I'm back.

Sorry again all. I've just really not been in the mood to get on the computer and talk here lately and I am so sorry that I've neglected each of you. I also went to see one of my family members recently and everything went really well with that. But I am back now. So I hope to hear from everyone again. Take care.

Now that is funny...and not natural

Out of sorts

I haven't been myself here lately. I have had a few people email me and ask me where I was. Relationships with friends haven't been going quite as well as I'd like them to, as much as I try. The person that I speak of has been a close friend, but sometimes there are some things that just can't be fixed, even for a psychiatrist.

Stupid Questions

1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

2. If a oerson owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "Hi, my name is Bob, I'm an alchoholic."?

5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7. Why is their a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

8. Why does mineral wanter that has tricked through mountains for centuries have us by date?

9. Why do toaster always have a setting on them which burns you toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say. "I think I'll squeese those dangly things here and drink what comes out."?

11. What do people in China call thier good plates?

12. If the professor of Gilligan's Islands can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix the blasted hole in the boat?

13. Why does Goofy stand on twof legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.

14. What do call make ballerinas?

15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

16. If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy dinner?

17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

20. If a man is walking in a forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's a billion stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it to find out?

22. Why do you call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, yet call it a hemmorrhoid when it is in your ass?

23. Did you ever notice that if you in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks head straight out the window?

Hope this made you laugh, I typed it out before I went to work so if there are any misspellings please forgive me.

Sorry guys...

Well I'm back...sorry I've been out for a while I haven't been feeling well here lately and have not been in the office. I've been ignoring everything and everyone. I want to apologize to my friends at work too that TRIED to come by to see me. I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I did think John was going to come in and start pestering me though and drag me out of the house. He knows where I keep my key and how to get in my house, but he didn't come over to bug me. That actually surprised me. I was feeling better today so I called him and he came over, you would have thought he was my dad or something, he brought me food from McDonald's (I think he did it just to spite me, cause he knows that I don't like McDonald's). When I looked at him quizically he just laughed and got another bag from Burger King and said the food from McDonalds was for him. He brought me a sprite. I much would have preffered a bottle of Jack Daniels after the way I'd been feeling lately, but after my last little escapade, this was probably for the best. We sat down and talked, not about much really, of course he had to talk about work. This is what's best about the whole situation, he bought dinner again. I promised that we'd go out again and I'd buy next time, but we weren't going to that Ninja place, he just laughed and said okay.

Hate on Display

I had a really good comment for this...but between blogger not letting me log in and how disgusted I am with this, I don't remember what I was going to say. (Could be the age thing to I suppose.)

This is for Elliot and Olivia

This is something for each of you to look forward to. I know I'm looking foward to it too!

Baby kisses!

Mother's Dictionary...

For the sake of Mother's Day...

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edfe of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at them.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independant: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pagamas.

Two Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Weekend: When dad gets to play golf while mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.

I got these from a friend and I though all you mother's might enjoy them, Happy Mother's Day to each of you and Happy Mother's Day to a very dear friend, Olivia Benson. Though you haven't had the baby yet, you're still a mom, so have a happy 1st!

.....

Just because I feel like posting the American Flag today and maybe I can get Jules back over here to say hi.
So Jules, this flags for you!

Rumor has it..

...that Carolyn told you about a doctor that I was talking about when I was drunk. I don't know anything about another doctor...I mean why would I be talking about another doctor? I work with them all the time, why would I be in a drunken stupor talking about a doctor? Speaking of doctor's though, I am glad Liz is back. It's been to long since we've talked. She hasn't even called me. Glad to hear about her and Edward though. Guess I talked to her enough about it, she actually told me to shut up once, or twice...or more.

New links...

I've added several new links to my blog, I haven't added them all yet. I have not added one of my dearest friends in the blogging world and I want to apologize to her, I'm sorry Amy. I've added you know my friend. Also I was not able to find Marty's blog address, so Marty if you come by please let me know what your address is. If anyone else would like to be added also, please let me know.

George's Hangover

This was not a good day...I think Carolyn convinced EVERYONE in the office to call my house, at least half a dozen times each, and I can almost swear I heard Eliott's voice once. The rest of them were just hang ups. I think I am changing my phone number now, only Don is going to know what it is. Not only did the phone ring like a zillion times today, they raided my fridge to, there was nothing in there. They're doing this on purpose, I have done something to them, I don't know what it was...but apparently I did something.....*looks around the house for food* there is nothing here! Now I have to drag my sorry hungover, no good ass out of the house in broad day light, with my ears STILL ringing, and get some food. I go to the store and get some macaroni and cheese and some hamburger meat among some other things, and I go ahead and grab so dog food, just incase. So I finally get back home, disconnect all the phones, turn out all the lights, decide I don't want to cook so I put a TV dinner in and I go to feed the dog and then realize...I don't have one. Oh geez, I'm glad Eliott isn't here to see this shit, he wouldn't be as nice as Carolyn, he'd be rolling on the floor laughing right now. And this Carolyn is why I never get drunk.... cause I don't think you've ever seen a Doctor this dumb, at least I can blame it on the alcohol, right?

Drunken George

I got way to involved in my last case...way to involved. Usually I can disconnect myself from the cases and be able to go home and go to bed without actually having to have to dream (or have a nightmare) about them. This was not the case on this one. A you couple came to me and said Dr. Huang, we desperately need your help, our daughter came up missing last week and they did find her...but it was too late. We need someone to talk to, can you help? I told them that I would be happy to help. They told me that their daughter was going out everynight with some man that they didn't know. They described him to me, but I'll save that for the police and won't bore you with the details. Apparently he was smoking pot and had her our prostituting. They, being parents, were very worried, of course so they tried to keep her in which just made her angrier and made her rebel more. She was out often all night, when she did come home she smelled of drugs now herself and she had bruises. She ended up dead in an alley way, inside a large trash can. She'd been raped and strangled. The only reason that I am able to talk to you about this case is because the parents asked me to talk to everyone I could and let people know what kind of lunatics are out there. I had drank so many shots of whiskey that night and beer, I was in a drunken stupor, the only person that I could think of to call was Carolyn. So I called her up and she answered...

Carolyn: Hello?

Me: Carolyn, I need your help, meet me at, the Chill Lounge, it's between 38th and 39th. It's a good thing they have couches cuuuzzimmm gonnnaa paaaasss ouuut. Byyyyyye Carolyn.

I don't remember the conversation after that.....we may have had one on the way home, I don't know. That means I don't know anything I said. Uh-oh. That's kinda scary. Good thing it's Carolyn though.

Bowling...

Bowling with Carolyn was a lot of fun, but I think I may have upset her. I started hinting about John, I really didn't want to bring up the situation, but sometimes I just can't leave work behind me. It's really hard when it's between friends (it's really hard anyway). Anyone in our line of business has to admit that. My sincerest apologies to Carolyn for that, she will talk when she is ready. I will not push, promise

On to my night with Carolyn though, we had a very enjoyable time. Yeah she beat me at bowling, MOST of the time. She didn't every time though. I am not lying about that and it did not go in the gutter THAT many times either. She was laughing at me the whole night, I did have to admit it was kinda funny though. It did not go in the neighbor's lane though, despite what she says. I'm honestly not that bad. Okay, so maybe I need the bumper pads on the sides of the lanes, but give me some credit here guys. Hey at least it didn't hit anyone and it least it didn't go flying backwards and I didn't fall on my ass. (Which is hard to keep from doing in those shoes, and BTW I took about 5 cans of Lysol to spray them before I actually wore them.) Those things smelled like skunk on a hot summer day after someone had just scared the bejesus out of them. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was bad. I went and got me and Carolyn a beer to drink and after the 20 or so of bowling we played, we played pool, in which I beat her. She may be able to beat Mike at pool, but she didn't beat me, and thing about pool, nothing about it stinks...unlike the shoes.

Monopoly??

Oh boy, what is the deal with Monopoly? Okay like I was telling Elliot, I'd rather see the thing go down the garbage disposal. It was a childhood trauma, okay? I was 8 years old when it happened. It all stems from my stuffed animals beating me at this game. Well, they didn't really beat me, they somehow managed to dance around all over the board when I was trying to play, of course my cousin probably had a hand in that somewhere too. Then she'd just laugh at me and call me names. Until I'd hit her over the head with the Monopoly board and run out of the room, hey she was 36 years old!

Peronally, I like the game Clue, she could never manage to figure out how to put the little x's and o's in the boxes when you found out if something was right or wrong, and there has to be a person, place and weapon. Here is my game:

My night with John.

I picked John up at about 8:00 and we head over to this place he recommended. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. He didn't even tell me the name of the place, I would have thought I was going to a Karate Club or something, so he gave me the address and I went. We get there and you know what the name of the place is? Ninja New York... I'm not even close to kidding. I looked at John and could only shake my head and remember thinking... Carolyn, you better hope I get out of here alive and don't get eaten by some man eating sushi or something like that. So we get into this place and they have ninjas for waiters, okay now I'm ready to pass out from laughing because apparently John has been here before and he is watching every single thing I do. We order and now I really am about to pass out, this stuff is expensive!! Okay so the ninjas do their little sword throwing, baton eating, magical mess...I'm not really even paying attention by now...I'm trying to talk to John and he's looking at them like someone that has just bought the last icecream on the hottest day of the year. I think I see drool coming out the side of his mouth. Ew! JOHN! JOHN! HELLLOO? IT'S GEORGE, WE NEED TO TALK, JOHN? Finally the man comes back from wherever he was. By now the food has arrived, and I see what he's ordered...it has octopus in it. Oh boy, I really jumped into it tonight...with both feet. However here is the conversation:

Me: John, what the hell are you eating? (Okay, sorry for asking the man went into detail).

John: Cobblestone of Octopus poached in White Wine Vinegar and Citrus marinated Sea Scallop, garnished with Garlic Sprouts and Tomato Concass? and served with a Cornichon and Parsley Sauce

Me: Oh. (might as well slap raw liver on my plate and call it supper, I think I'd rather have that please.) We have to talk about what's bothering you John. I see that you are down alot here lately. That's not you John, there is something going on and I'd like for you to talk to me and tell me what's going on so I can help.

John: It's just my past George, it's creeping up to get me.

Me: It tends to do that to us all, please be more specific.

John: I've been hurt by women before, and I've prided myself on being able to stay disconnected from them for so many years, that way I don't get hurt, and if the relationship doesn't work out for some reason, my pride doesn't get hurt. But I really like this one, and it isn't just me that I want to keep from getting hurt, I don't want to hurt her either.

Me: John, you've got to have some faith and believe in yourself and everything will fall into step behind it. You have some great characteristics.

John: Like what.

Me: You can make anyone laugh, without even trying. You are very kind an gentle to the ladies around the office. I think I've noticed someone eyeing you around the office to, but I can't be certain, so I'm not saying anything.

John: Yeah I know, but I've really messed up already.

Me: Give it a chance John...I think if it was really meant to be everything will fall into place if you give it a chance.

John: Thanks George.

Me: Your welcome.

Then guess who took off running and who got to pay the bill...yeah, I was standing out by the curb when he walked out. He didn't have the smile he walked in with, but he wasn't mad. Hey, at least I didn't leave him stranded!

For my friend Amy.

Let's put a smile on that pretty face Amy!

Our Rights: The following was written by State Representative
from Cobb County, GA

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to
help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice,
avoid anymore riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive
behavior, and securethe blessings of debt-free liberty to
ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines
for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We
hold these truths to be self-evident:

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV,
or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally
acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This
country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for
everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the
channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of
idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If
you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do
not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your
relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will
gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of
subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch
potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another
generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That
would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just
not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other
people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone,
don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the
electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of
others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of
other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together
and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right
to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our
children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching
conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift
a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we
do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend
so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a
military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want
all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard
times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities
of education and vocational training laid before you to make
yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an
American means that you have the right to pursue happiness,
which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an
overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were
confused by the Bill of Rights.

Things you'd rather not hear during surgery.

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor-we're going to need a mop.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!!

Wait a minute, if this is the spleen, then what is that?

Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie.

Oh, no. I just lost my Rolex.

Oops. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Shoot-fire, this guy's got two of'em.

Everybody stand back- I lost my contact lens.

Could you stop that thing from thumping; its throwing my concentration off.

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses...

Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.